Are built over time. A shared fascination with each other. Someone to laugh and cry with. A person who enjoys your silly and you love their silly right back. You got their back and they have yours. Someone who joins you when you cheat on your diet, and you make a pact to never tell a single soul. Someone who helps you see that you not paranoid-they really are out to get you! She understands your purple hair and you know about her secret tattoo.
Priceless. Just Priceless.
You have known each other for years. Before children, during children, or praying together for the miracle of a child.
She stood with you at your wedding, was on stand-by during your first years of marriage, and has heard all of your big and little complaints about your spouse. She sees the ups and carries you through the downs, and you do the same for her.
You have been through it all.
Friends, real friends, are so hard to find.
They are one of life’s biggest miracles. A gift that you give thanks for each and every day. A real friendship is built experience by experience, you pour in time, love, giving, laughter and tears. Real friendship is an investment. With deposits and withdrawals being made from both sides. A nest-egg, of sorts.
Do you stop being friends when you haven’t spoken for months? Do you still think of the time that you spent together with fondness, with a laugh and a smile?
Even though your life runs down two different paths, parallel treks that do not intersect for months on end, does a friendship remain?
Can you dial the phone and pick up where you left off, or does the friendship end when you are not looking?
When things happen, as they always will, things that keep you apart-does the friendship end?
When your common interests are not so common anymore…does that mean your friendship is no longer the link that binds you?
As you all know…
I have been a bit consumed for the last few years…my health does not allow me the same freedom as I had in my past. I do not meet my friends for lunch anymore, or spend hours on the phone, or hang out after work for a beer with my buds.
I have to make choices.
I would love to chat about where you are, hear about your woes, laugh and giggle over a silly television show. I dearly would.
My weekly schedule revolves around sleep, rest, and work.
Although I do not advertise my issues, I have them. A year of tests and specialists took their toll, emotionally, physically and financially-not just on me, but on my children and my husband. To work, I have to rest. At this point in life, that supersedes all else.
The other day I saw a cute little image on Facebook…stating the quote…”True friends, no matter how long it has been since we have seen each other…we pick up right where we left off.” It made me think of our situation, and it made me realize how much I missed my friendships. So, I re-posted it, tagging a few of my special friends. I wanted them to know I was thinking of them.
Immediately I received a response. It warmed my heart to see one of my friends respond so quickly.
Until I read the very publicly posted comment…
“This could not be further from the truth.”
Was the answer to my heartfelt post.
From a special friend. A super-duper woman that I respect and care for. Someone that I spent years getting to know. Building memories.
I immediately deleted the whole post.
I felt shame. Remorse. Heartbreak.
The friendship went away, while I was not looking.
So, I want to apologize. To each and everyone of you.
I am sorry that I am not the friend that I once was. I am sorry that I cannot dance til dawn, talk for all hours, take time out for silly shows-that made us giggle til our faces hurt.
I am sorry that I did not take the time to update you on my health issues, I was hoping they would go away, and when we realized that they were here to stay-it was too late. The debt and worry and stress had all come to roost. It was too much to say, too hurtful to think about, not that I didn’t want you to know-I just couldn’t voice it aloud.
I wasn’t leaving you out. Keeping anything from you.
We were just trying to hold things together the best we knew how.
When you are worried about putting food on the table for your children all other things fall to the side, and I am sorry for that.
I am sorry if I made you feel less than. That was never the intention. Ever.
I wish that there were more hours in the day
So I could work and rest, and take the time to meet you for lunch. Or dinner. Or drinks.
I miss you. I miss your laughter. I miss our connection.
It never occurred to me that when I got my head above water that you would not be there, for that I am sorry. I apologize for changing, for not continuing to be the person that you became friends with. I broke my part of the deal.
I did not hold up my end of the relationship. I am sorry that I have not been here for you. I think about you often, looking forward to the time when we could get together.
To laugh, to talk, to cry. Although I have had my issues, I am always here to support you, pray for you and want the best for you and yours.
Just know, that I love you, I wish you well, and I will always remember our time together with a smile.
May you be blessed indeed.